Sunday, May 23, 2010

Spirits Pub: Michele

4037 Northeast Cully Boulevard, Portland, OR 97213-1746

We may never have come across this particular bar had we not been visiting a friend nearby. This unassuming neighborhood destination doesn't look like much from the outside-- it has an appeal that I could describe as the "old man bar" appeal. It looks like the kind of place that has devoted customers beginning at 8am in the morning, which it very well might.

Upon entering, the air still somehow holds on to the decades of cigarettes smoked there and pool tables fill the room. There was no person there under the age of 30 when we ambled up to the bar.

The first thing we noticed was an autographed photo of the horrid mean girl from Little House on the Prairie, Nellie Olson. I am assuming this person has an actual name, but who cares? Apparently Nellie Olson has been to Spirits Pub and apparently she carries around 8x10s of herself to sign and give away. The bartender was mysterious and stingy with details about how this meeting came to occur and this isn't the kind of bar where you demand things from the bartender.

Our bartender was super nice and of the hard-boiled local barkeep variety that seems like she could pour a drink, wipe up vomit, and break the arm of a hold-up man all at once. In fact, aside from the Nellie Olson thing, the only she talked to us about was her most recent robbery. She had been held up with a gun held to her, but said she was doing fine. She seemed fine, too, as she poured us our drinks.

Which brings me to our "libation" category. We all ordered whiskey cokes, as is our way, and she poured us a drink with about a 90%/10% ratio of whiskey to coke. Which means it tasted like lighter fluid. However- this drink costs $2.25 (not even happy hour, just the regular price) -so in our book, the libation category is a Pati-oh!

In the laughter category, they have a cow painted on the women's room bathroom stall complete with 3D utters. Need I say more?

In the love category, we were approached by a couple of gentlemen. The first gentleman was wearing a shirt that he was very, very proud of. He removed some clothing to show us said shirt. He at first had eyes only for me, then quickly fell in love with Charlene, and by the end was enamored completely with Shannon. Not a great attention span, but he started out fun enough. We chatted with the gentlemen for about a half an hour and found him drunk but amusing. Then he said, "We'd all like to get our dicks sucked", in an informational way, and tried to meet our eye. We were less charmed by him at this point and went to find the patio. So as far as ratings in the love category, it's a split decision. While we all enjoy being approached and chatted with (a pati-oh!), we don't enjoy being asked to suck everyone's dick (a pati-no!).

The patio was large and comfortable. There was a heat lamp (which is a must for Portland weather) but it appeared inoperable. There were two sections to the patio, so plenty of space was available. We shared a table with an older woman who was very passionate about telling us that women have all the power and kept declaring "I'm not a man-hater" for some reason I don't think any of us understood. She was entertaining and we all thought that perhaps under the drunk there was some wisdom there... but alas, she was just drunk. But so were we. So it was fine.

All and all, this bar has a good patio. It gets a pati-oh! for laughter, a split pati-oh!/pati-no! on the love front, and a solid pati-oh! for libation. However, it is a bit out of the way for us, and the robberies keep on comin', so we shall forge ahead.

1 comment:

  1. I personally would rate the mass blow-job request a straight pati-HELL-no . . . even though it was a very sweet offer. Now if the category were lust, I would indeed give it a 50/50. I must also further add to the Pati-OH factor by pointing out that not only do they have jello shots, but said shots have actual fruit in them!